Okay - I have been avoiding this post for months now. In my last post I proclaimed my triumph over sugar. Well I have to confess that it was short lived. I did manage to stay away from sugar until that dreaded holiday of SUGAR - aka Halloween. But in the end - the chocolate won *sigh*.
I didn't really want to admit that once again I had failed. How do people find the strength to overcome their addictions? It is mentally and physically exhausting. And I am tired. I am tired of being obsessed with food. I am tired of feeling "fat". And most of all I am tired of trying over and over only to fail yet again.
Why can't I just be happy being me? Why am I trying to fit into society's view of beauty? And who decided that being a "skeleton" is beautiful?
I few weeks ago I read an article (I can't find the reference now - grrr) about what was considered a "healthy" weight for women in the early 1900's. It is MUCH heavier than what we believe today. I am tired of counting calories! I am tired of constantly feeling "guilty" because I ate those cookies or any other "forbidden" food. My life has more meaning than that stupid number on the scale!
Many years ago I took a nutrition class where the instructor told us to listen to our bodies. I have been thinking a lot about that class and how I need to put that knowledge into practice. She told us - If your body wants something sweet - then eat something sweet! If you want chocolate chip cookies for dinner, then eat chocolate chip cookies. The key however, is to stop when you are full. Slow down when you eat and allow your body to listen to the signals from your brain. (Now we have to be careful of this in our day and age - because processed sugar really messes with those signals! It actually blocks your brain from sending the signal to your stomach that you are full - nice stuff - huh?!) She told us this would take practice. If we have been ignoring those signals for years (decades in my case), it will take time to learn to "interpret" them.
Listening is such a vital skill. I have spent many years learning to listen to the Spirit and to follow the promptings I am given. Listening to the Spirit has brought me many blessings and has enriched my life in countless ways. Why am I hesitant to listen to my body? Am I afraid that I will fail yet again? Perhaps...but isn't that what life is - learning to overcome our weaknesses and trusting God to make them our strengths.
So I am going to ignore the number on that scale and instead I will focus on learning to listen. I will get back up once again; dust myself off and try again. Wish me luck!