Darkness and Light

And there was darkness for the space of many days...

Depression is really a scary place to be.  It is dark and cold and lonely.  And it hurts, emotionally and physically.  I don't talk much about my struggles with depression. I don't like the looks people give me, but I really can't blame them.  What DO you say to someone who just wants to cry all day?  And what if it really IS contagious?! - just kidding.  (Being able to joke again is a wonderful blessing!) 

I think the scariest part of depression for me is the distortion of truth.  I hear all these awful lies in my head and for awhile I actually believe them.  I know that it is Satan.  And I know that I just need to reach out to God and He will rescue me.  And that is hard.   It is hard because one of the lies Satan tells me is it that "no one cares - no one loves you - not even God."  So instead of reaching out to those who DO love me, I crawl deeper into that awful pit. 

But God is faithful and I know He never leaves my side.   He loves me.  I know because even when I don't have the strength to hold on anymore, He grabs my hand and lifts me up.  He sends someone to give me a hug.  He sends a butterfly to land on my knee as I sit crying under a tree.   Or He reminds me of a scripture or song that gives me strength to go on.  He knows exactly what I need to remind me to smile and push Satan out of my head. 

I am so grateful I have God in my life.  I cannot imagine facing that awful darkness all by myself.  And I am learning that gratitude is my key to open the door back into the light.  When I turn away from the lies and focus instead on the truths I know and express my gratitude for them, Satan loses his hold on me.  And then I have the power to open the door...

And then there is light!